How I wish I was the first one to be in my husband's life. How I wish he didn’t have a past to haunt me and affect our relationship. How I wish I was the only woman he loved.
Sometimes these things just creep up on me. I’ve known about his history from the beginning, but it didn’t really bother me. For me it was like What was done was done. Case closed !!!! And all of a sudden, it was like I couldn't stop thinking about it and torturing myself with mental pictures. This has gone from a minor annoyance to a major and central problem in my relationship.
After i got married I didn’t realize how a lot of his past relationships were still in his system. I saw a couple of pictures that no newly married woman would ever want to see.
I used to get thoughts like How could people have sex with just anybody ? They must not have any values. They just threw their body away and never thought twice. It took me a day or two to get out of this and I was fine. I felt I was just thinking way too much because I have never had a past like him. And then after few months I see him texting send emails that he is thinking about them and couldn't get them off his mind. I cried my heart out.
When you find out that he is less yours. He has already given a big piece of himself to somebody else. Maybe it was to someone he loved Or maybe they’re so spread around that practically everybody has had a piece of him. That makes my piece pretty worthless. And it makes it an unfair trade for me to give so much of myself for that thing everybody else just took for nothing. But I already traded, and now I feel ripped off in a very bitter way.
What a fool I was to have cared about him and built him up to be this great thing, when he was just like everybody else. What a fool I was to have thought I had something special and unique. I have tried every single bit to just see him happy with me.
It is painful to know that my husband was with other women in the past. It is more painful when his past is brought up to me, like some horror movie I don’t even want to see. I have had really bad experiences with people who just come up to me and tell me about my husband's past even if i don't want to know about it. Sometimes its what I know but they portray it in such a different manner that you just don't want to hear a single word about it and also after that you just cant stop thinking about it. Since a year I have just been learning how to deal with such people. That feeling that somebody else got to experience more of your partner than you can stings like hell. I wish I could have been that other person…I wish I could have had that experience. I can’t stand the idea of my partner experiencing all those things with some other person. I have this one friend (i don't know whether I should even call her a friend) who has told me so much of his past that even though I loved him a lot I started becoming very very insecure. So insecure that all i used to think about was Does he still think of his ex? Is he satisfied with me? Won’t he be thinking of his past while he is with me? What if I still can’t overcome what he feels with his ex? What if his ex made him feel better? I was in a different world altogether and it has been so very hard for me to just get out of it.
My imagination had become my worst enemy. In my mind, my partner’s past was the most painful
and insecurity inducing version I could picture. But the reality wasn't that bad. He has acknowledged that he is a changed man which I know. I know that he would never cheat on me because he knows how it feels. I need to learn to trust him. I just keep telling myself there’s a reason why he is with me and not with his ex, and I could see that reason much more clearly when I got to know more about his ex (at least from what I had heard about them). It is also the possession factor. His ex owns a piece of him that I can’t own. I know I can't go back and change things so why ruin the good times now. I tell myself I am the one he loves now. I am the one his more mature self has chosen. So why dwell over his past. I have realized I should never forget how rare it is to find somebody who you love enough to be vulnerable to. In your life you will date so many people who you could take or leave regardless of what their past looks like. When you find somebody that really ignites your heart, don’t take that opportunity for granted by fighting about things that happened before you met.
Sometimes these things just creep up on me. I’ve known about his history from the beginning, but it didn’t really bother me. For me it was like What was done was done. Case closed !!!! And all of a sudden, it was like I couldn't stop thinking about it and torturing myself with mental pictures. This has gone from a minor annoyance to a major and central problem in my relationship.
After i got married I didn’t realize how a lot of his past relationships were still in his system. I saw a couple of pictures that no newly married woman would ever want to see.
I still loved him
I still loved him
When you find out that he is less yours. He has already given a big piece of himself to somebody else. Maybe it was to someone he loved Or maybe they’re so spread around that practically everybody has had a piece of him. That makes my piece pretty worthless. And it makes it an unfair trade for me to give so much of myself for that thing everybody else just took for nothing. But I already traded, and now I feel ripped off in a very bitter way.
When he tells me its hard for him to forget his ex because he has spent 6 years with her.
It hurts!!
When you are just getting to know your partner and you call to wake him up in the morning and he tells you about his ex used to wake him up.
It hurts!!
When you get to know that he has done things with somebody else that he is not doing with you.
It hurts !!
When you get to know that he is texting his ex and telling her how I argue with him.
It hurts !!!
What a fool I was to have cared about him and built him up to be this great thing, when he was just like everybody else. What a fool I was to have thought I had something special and unique. I have tried every single bit to just see him happy with me.
It is painful to know that my husband was with other women in the past. It is more painful when his past is brought up to me, like some horror movie I don’t even want to see. I have had really bad experiences with people who just come up to me and tell me about my husband's past even if i don't want to know about it. Sometimes its what I know but they portray it in such a different manner that you just don't want to hear a single word about it and also after that you just cant stop thinking about it. Since a year I have just been learning how to deal with such people. That feeling that somebody else got to experience more of your partner than you can stings like hell. I wish I could have been that other person…I wish I could have had that experience. I can’t stand the idea of my partner experiencing all those things with some other person. I have this one friend (i don't know whether I should even call her a friend) who has told me so much of his past that even though I loved him a lot I started becoming very very insecure. So insecure that all i used to think about was Does he still think of his ex? Is he satisfied with me? Won’t he be thinking of his past while he is with me? What if I still can’t overcome what he feels with his ex? What if his ex made him feel better? I was in a different world altogether and it has been so very hard for me to just get out of it.
My imagination had become my worst enemy. In my mind, my partner’s past was the most painful
The past is over, learning to live in the moment is how to live a life of consistent happiness.
I love him & I always will.
